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somewhat emotional somewhat not
Friday, 18 November 2016 • 2:31 pm • 0 comments
hello.

i think i wrote something a few days ago here about bobo. and i talked about time heals everything and how i doubted it.
but i think it shows now, that time actually does. i'm getting better at getting myself used to bobo's not being there meowing at me. i still remember him all the time, though. the difference is that i just don't cry that much anymore. which is a very extreme improvement for me. haha

oh um, i sat for additional mathematics exam yesterday. i thought that i could at least get and A- for the subject since I worked hard like hell for it. but goodness, who in the would knew the questions will be like that? I mean '?????' it's raining question marks everywhere man

goodbye to the precious A.  D:<

i feel like crying, but.. no! hold it in hold it back ila!! /coughs,clears throat. 

to sum up, my life has been very... hard to explain these days. she and i stopped talking and stuffs, i don't know why and what made us apart when we used to be so damn close. undoubtedly, time too, separate people apart. i have learn a lot from being in high school, detecting real and fake friends (but mostly the fake ones) and i think im already pro at it.. i think. 

i noticed it long ago that when i was close with her, my life isn't that happy and i constantly felt down like every time i want to reach up to the sky, there was a rope that was being tied to my ankle which sucks a lot. do you know how i feel, mate? not just that, i felt like i wasn't being appreciated for what i did, i mean ??? not to mention that i sometimes got treated coldly and that, just made me feel like none other than shit. 

i wondered a lot. and then i realized that i dont deserve to be treated like that, my poor self, my poor body and my poor feelings. im a human too and i deserve motivations and happiness in my life. not just some kind of shitty treatments from people who knows nothing about appreciation. maybe.. just maybe being apart from the one that you used to call 'bestfriend' isn't such a bad thing after all, if it's about making yourself a priority. 

i think i've sacrificed a lot and if only my heart were made of can, i think it'll be badly crushed now. from what? endurance. endurance and more endurance, day by day. all about emotions.  all i thought was, this emotional and dispirited self is so not me. all i know is that the one who you call 'bestfriend' shouldn't made you feel like shit about yourself, no? truth is i miss her, but i love myself so much to let my poor soul go through the same thing over and over again.

and here i am. free to spread my wings wherever i want to. im meeting new friends and obviously, new surroundings and atmosphere. not literally that atmosphere-- but well, you get me. im not really feeling happy right now, but im not sad either. rather than missing what's long gone, it's better to appreciate what's still there, right? same with rather than hanging onto something or someone that you love but constantly hurt you, it's better to love and think of yourself first. it's better. 

all im saying is, it is fine to make yourself a priority. damn it. who knows you'll die tomorrow, right? do something that makes you feel YOU and leave whatever that stops you from being happy. even if that means you have to stop talking to your closest friend, possibly forever. 

like i said, i learn a lot. and now i should probably learning physics. lmao! next exam on tuesday, wish me the best. 


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welcome to my humble abode! i literally sucks at expressing my emotion, that's why i decided to start a blog, to express everything i am feeling at the moment. i live for my pets and food. x


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